1. |
Grumpy Pants
04:19
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Well I buy my pants at the Grumpy Pants Store
I got 6 pairs but I want one more
I want a different pair for every day of the week
That I stand in my grumpy stance
Grumpy Pants!
Now the day I cake-walked into town
To burn the Smiley Pants Factory down
A smile almost came across my face that day
But it never really had a chance
Grumpy Pants!
Like anybody with a frown on
I tell ya that I got a good reason
For frowning like the way I do
So don't ya try to get yer clown on
With me or you'll wind up freezing
When I put that cold cold frown on you
I went to the tailor and I said "no Doubt"
"My grump's been growing can you let these out?"
I'll show you London
And I'll show you France
Look at these Grumpy Pants!
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2. |
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People believe some stupid shit
I believe some stupid shit too
If you don't believe YOU believe some stupid shit
That's just some stupid shit hat you believe
Evidence
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3. |
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Doctor, what's that sound?
Son, that's a drum machine
On "set it and forget it"
Now turn your head and cough
What's that on the ground?
Those appear to be your testicles
They've auto-tuned your balls clean off
What's he singing now?
He's singing "baby baby baby..
..hold you in my loving arms forever, never let you go"
That seems unrealistic, and in truth a little creepy
gather around, lets listen to the radio
Oh doctor, is this some kind of joke?
I just keep dreaming about her kiss
Would you help mw with the punchline
if the new six words I spoke
Were "It hurts when I do this"?
[don't do that]
Doctor, what's that sound?
Son, that's a metaphor you've heard before
Now close your eyes, and this won't hurt a bit
A river flowing to a sea
That mountains tumble into
'Neath a sky that stars fall out of
As this whole song turns to shit
Doctor, what's that light there
At the end of the tunnel?
It's been getting closer now for days
Son, It should be clear by now
It's the headlight of a train
Pulling a carload of cliches
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4. |
My Uncle Says
04:34
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My uncle says since we can build
A fleet of solar umbrellas
To launch up through the atmosphere
To orbit the planet
We need not worry about
Potential global warming
Any problem we can create
We can resolve
If only our best and brightest pray
For divine guidance
Jesus is on our side
My uncle has this cousin who
Works designing jet airplane engines
And once his team was stumped by some
Problem of torque conversion
They prayed round the table holding hands
And the plan there started to glow
And there was the answer
They wanted to know
Showing: Any problem we can create
We can resolve
If only our best and brightest pray
For divine guidance
Jesus is on our side
So lover, take my hand
And let's pray back the dodo
over, take my hand
And let's pray back the big trees
My uncle thinks a forest is
Someplace you store lumber
Til such tim as it's needed to
Build a vacation home there
Jesus help us
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5. |
Cannibals
01:43
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What's inside your head?
Good things to eat for cannibals!
I see them in their sunday best
Down by the hole
Paying out top 'til the weight hits bottom
ile autre mile
Might take a while
I suggest you smoke 'em if you got 'em
What's inside your head?
Good things to eat for cannibals!
Sucking water from pay mud
Making pay dirt glisten
Down in the valley below
They're eating their own kind
Straight from the incubator
Licking their lips they smile at me
"Don't be a hater"
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6. |
Pencil In My Eyeball
01:14
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I don't want no pencil in my eyeball
I don't want no pencil in my eyeball
I just wanna rock and roll
I don't want no pencil in my eyeball
I don't want no pencil in my eyeball
I just wanna rock and roll
Don't want be like Salvador Dali
I wann be like Buddy Holly
Play three chords while they do The Stroll
And sing "Oh oh oh oh oh oh ohhhhh"
I don't want no pencil in my eyeball
I don't want no pencil in my eyeball
I just wanna rock and roll
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7. |
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Choose your words with care
For the walls have ears
There're microphones in the boutonnieres
Of the meter-reader and the mailman
They're keeping us free by keeping us clean
Protecting the machine
Making sure the money stays green
Look at all the pretty flowers
Choose your friends with care
Be careful who you share with
Cracker in the afro wig's a sheriff
Look you in the eye and tell ya
"Right on brother!"
And he'll say to you with pride
"You got nothing to fear if you got nothing to hide"
"We just want take a little ride"
"And look at all the pretty flowers"
"Listen here my friend
You would do well
To clearly speak into the liberty bell
pin on my lapel
just talk into the pretty flower"
Why is that man pointing his flower at me?
Because you might be a homosexual
Why is that man pointing his flower at me?
because your name is Muhammad Ali
Why is that man pointing his flower at me?
Cuz your hands are suspiciously dirty
Why is that man pointing his flower at me?
Cuz your hands are suspiciously clean
Why is that man pointing his flower at me?
Cut the ledger say you voted Green
Why is that man pointing his flower at me?
Your eyes are red an narrow
Why is that man pointing his flower at m
Cuz you ate at the Afghani restaurant
Why is that man pointing his flower at me?
Cut you once wrote a letter to the editor
Why is that man pointing his flower at me?
Cuz you look like you could use a shower
Why is that man pointing his flower at me?
Why is that man pointing his flower at me?
Cuz someone heard you say that the people oughta have the power
Oh, look at all the pretty flowers!
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8. |
Jelly Donut
01:31
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Jelly donut, jelly donut
I'm losing control
For your raspberry heart
And cholesterol soul
Jelly donut jelly donut
If you had a hole
I'd make sweet love to you
Jelly donut, jelly donut
Hoe can I make you see
That chocolate eclair don't mean nothing to me
Jelly donut, jelly donut
I'm down on my knee
And you know, my aim is true
Jelly donut, jelly donut
I'm losing control
For your raspberry heart
And cholesterol soul
Jelly donut jelly donut
If you had a hole
I'd make sweet love to you
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9. |
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Ever since you were three
Your mother told you to be yourself
Be what you're gonna be
You can't pretend that
But how could she have known
The you to which you've grown?
If she could see you now
she might amend that to:
Be yourself unless you're an asshole
And then do us all a favor
just be someone else
Look, I'm agreeing with you
I think your car's cool too
Just maybe not so cool that it needs 2 spaces
And from the key marks on your door
I'll bet you've parked like this before
Close your eyes now
Picture your parents' faces singing:
Be yourself unless you're an asshole
And then do us all a favor
just be someone else
Think of all the time you've wasted
Being an asshole
All the bitter victories you've tasted
Cuz you were an asshole
Think of all the time you spent
Doing what she said instead of what she meant
Like hiding all your stolen art
In a Bavarian castle
(No you're thinking of Hitler)
[my bad]
Ever since you were three
Your mother told you to be yourself
Just be the best YOU that you can be
But it should come as no surprise
Mothers tend to generalize
And you'd be best as someone else entirely
Be yourself unless you're an asshole
And then do us all a favor
just be someone else
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10. |
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He's trying to sell a cane to Floyd
But Floyd's got a perfectly good cane now
Both of them are unemployed
And right now Chester's waking up on the rain
Wondering, "Where the hell is my cane?"
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11. |
Jesus At The Beach
03:46
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I put my hand in Jesus' hand
Together we did stride
2 sets of footprints in the sand
My whole life side by side
But when I stopped and looked behind me
Just one set of footprints did I see
In anger I demanded
"Jesus, why did you abandon me?"
He said, "Son you do not understand
There's just one set of footprints there it's true
But you were not abandoned
You were so weak I had to carry you"
So where was Jesus when the priests were fucking children?
And help was out of reach?
You can blame it all on me
Jesus was with me down at the beach
Now if I'd been a stronger man
and not taken up all Jesus' time
He'd have been free to intervene
When the church was covering up the crime
While they were shuffling pedophiles
Around from town to unsuspecting town
Jesus had his hands full
And apparently he couldn't put me down
So where was Jesus when the priests were fucking children?
And help was out of reach?
You can blame it all on me
Jesus was with me down at the beach
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12. |
The Last Word
01:24
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"Your life
Is gone seem sad and long", she said
"If you don't believe in things that you can't see
You're always gonna have that fucking chip on your shoulder"
"That may
Well turn out to be true", I said
"But I suspect we'll have to wait and see
Since neither of us gonna know
Until it's over"
Which seemed to me to be a reasonable thing to say
She took it the wrong way
"There", she said
"You see what I mean?
You're doing it again
Your logic is absurd
And you always have to have the last word"
"No I don't", I said
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